You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
