So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
