Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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