i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
