I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
