Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
