I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if only i could text you this smell
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
