How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
