I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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