talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
