I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
