OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
