Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize