pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
