I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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