i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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