The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
