yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
