ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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