Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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