I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
