so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize