make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
