trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Green mimosas i think yes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
