they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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