hell yes lets make some ravioli
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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