I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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