she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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