I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
