Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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