Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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