id be glad to
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize