I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
