Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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