You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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