Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The power of my boobs compel you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
