i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize