that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
