In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize