Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
