i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
