so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
