WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
