Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
