He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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