you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
