omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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