i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
