i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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