I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
