It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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