I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
