I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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