Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize