my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
