I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
