I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize