Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize