I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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