I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize