Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I got her a Nickelback box set.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
