This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
