Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize