he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
lol hangovers are for mortals.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize