Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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